Day 84 of 365: Set backs

(Para la versión en castellano, pinche aquí).

I haven't written about my 1 year of sober socialising for a while, so here I am.

I have been doing pretty well, but it doesn't take a genius after reading the title to figure out that I had a couple of set backs.

The first, a while ago, after having been out with a friend, sober socialising, we stopped literally a few meters away from home to grab something to it, so I thought it was safe to have a glass of wine. The problem is that I didn't stop at that. I was on my way home, I was eating and I was with a trusted friend. What could go wrong? Not much, but it did. I decided to have a 2nd glass of wine. Luckily it stopped at that.

The next morning I had a terrible hangover, enough to remind me why I'm going this.

It all went ok again after that until I recently went on a holiday with a friend. Again, I started only drinking with food but, what the hell, I'm on holiday, with someone I trust, away from the drama that had prompt me to decide to sober socialise, so, again, what could go wrong?

Well, let's say I don't remember getting to our apartment on the first night of the holiday and that scared the shit out of me.

Still, I did have the odd drink when we went out for the rest of the holiday, more than if I was back home, but still mixing it at least to equal parts with non alcoholic drinks.

What has this taught me? (Because beating myself up about it wasn't going to achieve anything)

Mainly that I can't leave my guard down, even if the circumstances seem safe. If  the thought "what could go wrong?" crosses my mind I should stay even more alert than usual.

Have you experienced set backs in your sobriety projects? How did they make you feel? And even more importantly, what have you done to prevent them? 

Day 29 of 365: Friends and drinking

(Para la versión en castellano, pinche aquí).

Short of a day for my first month without social drinking, the matter that friends play in your relationship with alcohol is playing in my mind. 

I found that when I started voicing my concerns to my close friends about having a problem with alcochol, their reactions were in the region of: 
- sure, you are only small; of course you are going to get drunk faster than the rest of us
- you just need to learn what your limit is
- we all have been there, don't worry to much about it
- you weren't that bad, honestly
- don't worry, we will look after you if you get (too) drunk

And one of my all favourites, if you annouce you don't want to drink on a certain situation, they'd be like:
- don't make me drink on my own!
(talk about peer pressure!)

The red flag for me was:
- you are really funny when you are drunk

I had been told that before, but this time around it was not only the words but the tone they were said and the frequency they said them to me. When I got fed up with it, I enquired:
- what exactly do I do when I'm drunk that it's so funny?

The only answer I got was a smirk. Go figure!

I'm sorry to say, but if these are the answer you are getting, run a mile from these people. 

Now I see that a true friend should have responded something in the lines of:
- what makes you say that?
- or even: despite of not thinking you have a drinking problem, how can I help?

In my humble opinion, these are honest, supportive reactions. The former ones only mask the fact that it suits them that you keep on drinking. The reasons for it probably will make for another post. 

Like I said before if your friends are pushing you to drink, they are not your friends. Or for that matter, if they don't support you cutting down or giving it up drinking (whatever you choose to do), they are not the right friends for you at this point in your life. End of. 

Day 14 of 365: 2nd weekend of sober socialising

(Para la versión en castellano, pinche aquí). 

Well, the second weekend of sober socialising is practially over.
I must admit I had a glass of white wine with my lunch on Friday, a treat that I resist giving up. As usual, I feel quite sleepy afterwards, so to finish up my treat, I have my little Friday afternoon nap. Woke up refreshed and ready to take on the weekend.

I went to support a friend who has landed a gig presenting karaoke at a bar. I order a double tonic water (without gin!) and I felt quite unconfortable at first, felt all eyes were on me. But as the night progressed, I felt more at ease, chatted to people, known & unknown.

When I was asked "Why are you not singing?", I replied "Because I am not drinking" which was followed obviously by "Why are you not drinking?" to which I replied with extremely ease: "Because I'm driving". "Oh, you are driving, that is a good reason if there ever was one", or something to that effect, I was told. I didn't argue. 

I am not ready, nor I think it's the right time or place, to start telling strangers about my 365 challenge.

I had a second helping of a "double tonic water", which normally starts tasting unpleasant but to my surprise it tasted quite nice. Got home, slept like a baby and woke up the next morning quite early... not hangover! With the whole day ahead of me. What a change!

That night I had been invited to a BBQ with some work colleagues. I was also driving. Perfect excuse. Drank non-alcoholic beer (note to self: avoid this brand in future!).

This morning I had a 3km charity walk in aid of AFOL (a local cancer charity) and I even woke up before the alarm went off! I'm liking this "non hangover" days. 

All in all, if so far is anything to go by I'm starting to wonder why didn't I do this years ago.

Day 7 of 365: First weekend of sober socialising

(Para la versión en castellano, pinche aquí). 

A friend I had confided in about my decision not to drink socially for a year asked me: "When is your first challenge on the socialising front?"

Gosh, I had not even thought of that. "The weekend, I guess", I answered.

Things didn't relly go acording to plan, but it was probably a blessing in disguise. In the end I went to a play with two friends -not a lot of rist being around drink there. Then we went for something to drink. 

Luckily for me, one of them is not too bothered about drinking and the other one doesn't drink, so I had very little problems with peer pressure on my first outing.

When I was learning English I thought the expression was "pure" pressure as in, real, serious, lots of pressure. Which I guess in a way peer pressure is.

If your friends are pushing you to drink, they are not your friends. As simple as. 

Hello, my name is Susana and I'm an alcoholic. I think.

(Para la versión en castellano, pinche aquí). 

For my Irish friends, I'm a light-weight. For my Spanish friends, I'm a drunk. I drink the same amount regardless of who I am with. 

Who's right, then?

The truth is whether I am an alcoholic or not - I seriously doubt it, personally - I have recently come to realise that alcohol is the root of a lot of my personal problems. Or at least, it makes them much worse.

That is why I have decided to take matters in my own hands and break the cycle.

I have decided to stop drinking alcohol socially and I vowed to myself to only have the odd glass of wine if I'm having a meal. 

I'm going to give myself the challenge of doing that for a year, taking one day at a time.

Let's see what good can come out of it. 

Hello, my name is Susana and I'm an alcoholic. I think. 

Day 2 of 365. 

Crazy about movies... or movies about crazy!

A couple of days ago I came across this movie called "It's kind of a funny story" (2010).

Judging by its title I hoped for light-hearted, silly little comedy. I actually did not read the plot or anything. Sometimes I still like to be surprised. And surprised I was. That'll teach me not to judge a movie by its title!

I won't spoil too much for you but it's about a teenage boy with suicidal thoughts that checks himself into a phychiatric ward. Suffice to say that it is a story about human nature, relationships and coping with life.

So this morning I woke up thinking of these other two "mental" movies: obviously, the classic "One flew over the cucko's nest" (1975) with Jack Nicholson's brilliant performance and the maybe lesser known but, in my humble opinion, with an equally brilliant performance from Kevin Spacey, "K-PAX" (2001).

Do you you know any other movies set in mental institutions?

Which one is your favourite & why?

Recurrent topics

I find it interesting how some topics seem to be constantly around me lately...
In no particular order, subject to further exploration here there are some:

humour
honesty
happiness
balance
discerning
positivity
power of thinking
love
creativity
vulnerability
courage
compassion
laws of attraction
self-steem
shame
motivation
sharing
perception
luck
gratitude
mental health
contradiction
...

I reserve the right to add some more & to explore further these concepts.
You've been warned.

Fund-a-mental

Extract from my fundraising note "Fund-a-mental" for the Flora Women’s Mini Marathon in Dublin that took place on the 7th of June, 2010:

"These are some of my favourite things regarding mental health – all of which I need constant reminders myself:
- Be honest with yourself: learn to listen to yourself, if you don’t, nobody else will!
- Don’t be afraid. If fear is the key, the truth will set you free. First is going to p**s you off, but then it will set you free. But yet, everything is going to be alright in the end.
- Share, talk to someone, but not too much: if it’s a friend, it’s for free but if you talk too much, they won’t be your friend, anymore; if it’s a professional and you talk a lot, it will cost you.
- When you are feeling sh*te or down, just smile, reach out & help someone else. I guarantee you, you’ll feel better almost immediately!"